December 18, 2009

Today was Superhero's preschool Christmas party. I had originally intended not to go, because I didn't want to expose the twins to a preschool class full of germs (they're not 100% healthy yet). I just couldn't leave, though, especially knowing the class was doing a performance. It was a nightmare--Fighter, especially, was incredibly poorly behaved, and at one point I just put the twins (in their stroller) in a room across the hall from the classroom and closed the door so that I and the other parents could hear the preschool performance. I was glad I had stayed, though, when it came time for Superhero to see Santa. He had talked about nothing else all week, but once the time came for him to sit on Santa's lap, he was horribly nervous. There were a handful of other children uninterested in sitting on Santa's lap, so I didn't really think anything of it. I kept trying to talk to Superhero about what was going on, until finally, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "Mommy, I'm just afraid Santa knows how naughty I've been." I was heartbroken--Superhero's behavior has been rather ... exceptional lately, but John and I have ALWAYS been very careful to separate his BEHAVIOR from HIM--in other words, we never tell him he's been 'bad', but rather focus on inappropriate behavior that needs to change. Worse, another little boy overheard and spoke up, saying something to the effect that Superhero should be worried, because he was always bad. I tried to tell Superhero then and there (along with the other little boy, whose mother seemed a bit annoyed that I dared to call him down for his rudeness) that he was a good child, with a good heart, and while he sometimes behaved inappropriately, that was ok, because he was still learning how to be the person he wanted to be. However, I think Santa had more impact--he talked to Superhero quietly for about five minutes (after a minute or two, even managing to get Superhero onto his lap). I didn't hear the entire conversation, but I heard enough to know that Santa told Superhero he understood how hard it was to be five, and how hard it was to be a big brother, with your little brothers always looking up to you and expecting you to do the right thing, and that no one could do the right thing all the time, but it was important that we try our best in all things. I am so sad that Superhero seems to have inherited my own overactive sense of guilt, and ticked off that the biggest thing he seems to have learned from preschool is how 'bad' he is. He has the body of an eight year old, the brain of a ten year old, and the emotions of a barely five year old--it cannot be a fun combination :(