Thanks to a Facebook app, I was able to review most of my status updates for the year, and decided to recopy most of the ones pertaining to the boys for this blog. Enjoy :D
Superhero: Look at my picture mommy!
Me: Very Nice. What is it?
Superhero: It's a dead talking shoe monster. And these are the ants it ate--this one is a big leaf cutter ant and this one is a small usual ant.
Me: So, he ate the ants? Is that why he died?
Superhero: No, he's a stinky shoe monster. Soap and water killed him. And now he's all dead.
Things I never dreamed I'd hear myself say: "Please stop putting banana in your eye. I promise, it's not going to hurt any less the fourth time."
Superhero: I wish I had a jet pack like this one (points to his giant Buzz Armstrong)
John: I'll see if I can find you one. Maybe a nicer one.
Me: WHAT did you just tell him?
John: What? He broke his Buzz Armstrong and wants a new one, right?
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a perfect example of the dangers of not listening to your children.
Woman at store: Are they twins?
Me: Yes (internally: No, I just wanted to be ironic by dressing them in identical blue outfits.)
her: How sweet! A boy and a girl!
Me: Two Boys.
Her: Are you sure?
Me: *flabbergasted murmurings in the affirmative*
Her: That one looks like a girl.
Dear Fighter: That new textbook cost more than a four month supply of diapers for you and your brother. Go near it with that crayon again, and you'd better be prepared to use the potty. Love & kisses, Mommy.
Superhero was sobbing a few minutes ago because he couldn't figure out how to fly. When John pointed out that he didn't have a wishing stone, he switched his focus to that, and is now begging his daddy to tell him where and how to get a wishing stone. I love my life.
Is really close to instating the 'don't touch your brother, ever, no matter what' rule.
is finding it difficult to study with Fighter on her lap, but it's even harder to put him down.
Call from front desk in the middle of the night--are we missing a child? As it turns out, the answer was yes, yes we ARE missing a child. We'll be right down to collect him.
Superhero: Daddy, I'm sucking on my toes but I can't put my foot in my mouth. It's too big.
John: It's ok. Your mouth will grow, and in a few years you'll be putting your foot in your mouth all the time.
Superhero: Can I watch the Zoboomafoo about humans please?
Me: What are humans?
Superhero: You know, humans are like me, and you, and daddy.
Me: What about your brothers?
Superhero: I skipped them because they're not humans. They're brothers.
Me: Superhero should have been asleep hours ago. Why was he crying?
John: He stuck his fingers in Artist's mouth, and Artist bit him.
Me: Wow, that's shocking.
John: Was to Superhero apparently.
me: Why'd he stick his fingers in Artist's mouth in the first place?
John: I don't know, I didn't ask. I just told them both to go to sleep.
I couldn't make this stuff up.
broke a nail AND taught Fighter a new word. yes, those two events WERE connected. Welcome back, Monday, welcome back.
Superhero: Mommy, I don't think I like these squishy round things with the yellow stuff on them.
Me: That's cheesy potatoes, and you don't know if you like it because you've never tried it. You know the rule, three bites.
Superhero (1st bite) YUCK! I told you I didn't like it.
Me: Two more bites.
Superhero (2nd bite) Yuck YUCK YUCK! (3rd bite) MmmmMmmmmmMm. You're right mommy. The third bite made the squishy potatoes taste yummy.
Kindergarten orientation this morning. Mommy filled out lots of paperwork while Superhero and most of his class discussed shapes and colors, wrote their names, drew pictures, and apparently had a grand time, since Superhero didn't want to leave when it was time. I'm glad they're easing me in to this, though--I didn't cry yet, but it's coming :D
is taking Fighter for an X-ray to make sure he didn't break his leg. Life is never dull around here.
Dear sons: 1. Saturdays are for sleeping in. 2. Seven thirty is NOT sleeping in. Learn these two rules now, or I promise they will come back to bite you in ten years when you're a teenager. Love & Kisses, Mom
I love how excited Artist & Fighter get when they hear the word 'crayons'. Fighter claps his hands and Artist babbles excitedly until I give them the paper and the crayons . Artist then carefully examines his color choices to decide which he wants to use first. Fighter examines his selection to decide which will be most tasty.
Artist: Knock knock
John: Who's there?
John: Cheese who?
Artist (a little confused): Cheese say knock knock?
6am. That's the time all THREE boys decided to get up this morning. On a SUNDAY!! I'm beginning to think my children have no sense of self preservation.
Superhero: You know what I don't have? Night vision. I think I need a scope and goggles. I think I should talk to Nana about that. She likes buying me cool stuff.
Yesterday, I thought Superhero was exaggerating his 'illness' so that he could stay home from school. This morning, he threw up in my bed. Guess that showed me.
The 'little bug' morphed. We're off to the pediatrician.
No strep or meningitis, some other random virus. Superhero feels horrid, the twins are feeling bad, and John & I both have that look people get when they see the tornado coming.
Superhero(watching TV) Mom, I want that thing on the commercial for my birthday.
Me: That thing? (commercial change)
Superhero: Yeah, and that thing too. Actually, I want all the commercials' things I've seen this morning.
Me: ALL of them?
Superhero: Yes. *COUGH* Mommy, I feel SO sick . . . .
I think my munchkin knows how to manipulate me.
Superhero, on the phone with my mother:
Guess what musical instrument I'm playing? *plays it* I'll give you a hint. It's metal, two pieces, and it's shaped kind of like a triangle, but one vertex is disconnected.
A vertex is a corner or point on a triange, rectangle, or square.
He's not even six yet!
Earlier, Artist had a screaming fit because he broke a nail. Literally. Then Fighter climbed up on top of a shelf in their room and threatened to jump if John left the room (it was nap time). So come clean--who snuck an extra Monday into my week?
just said "Superhero, put down those swords and finish your homework right now!" For real.
Me: Artist, do you want pancakes or eggs for breakfast?
me: Artist, you cannot have pizza for breakfast. You are not a frat boy. Do you wa--
Artist:(in full meltdown mode) Artist frat boy! Artist frat boy! Artist Pizza! Artist Pizza! Pizz-- (changes from meltdown to supersweet) Peeeeeeese pizza Mama?
Superhero: Daddy, next time I want ribs, please cut them into even smaller pieces. My mouth is so tiny and my teeth are so small that I need little food, see? *opens mouth so wide it looks like he's swallowing his own head*
An HOUR past bedtime, and Artist just fell into a flat wall and got the worst, bleeding black eye I have ever seen in my life! Life around here is many things, but it is never, EVER dull!
Me: Superhero, what's this piece of paper in your backpack?
Superhero: That's an invitation to R's birthday party.
Me: Who is April? Her name is on this, too.
Superhero: April is a month. R's birthday is in April, so I made her say she would have her party at Billy Bob's and invite me. That's the contract I made her sign.
Artist: Mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama
me: Yes Artist?
Me: Slicing this bread I baked.
Artist: K. *2 second pause, repeat series. 5 times*
Me: Artist, Mommy really likes having you in the kitchen, but saying Mama, mama over and over annoys me a little.
Artist: K. *2 second pause* Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy . . .
Superhero: Sky diving is easy.
me: Did you just say "sky diving is easy"?
Superhero: Yes. Really, mom, it's the landing that's hard.
John (to Artist): You look cool.
Artist: I am cool
said with the gravity of a legal proclamation:
"Artist, PeePee is serious business."
Superhero: Pretend this backpack I'm wearing is a jetpack. And these bug glasses are training goggles. And that this xylophone hammer is a light saber. And that I have clothes on.
My wonderful Artist just decided to have a tantrum on the stairs. Now he's crying because his head hurts (he banged it on the stairs) and his very sensitive daddy is saying "Yeah, I bet that does hurt. Maybe next time you'll think it through."
Popcorn popped. Cute ChristmasjJammies on (everyone who isn't old enough to drive, anyway). Everyone settled. Lights off. Operation Family Movie Night: How To Train Your Dragon edition can commence! (and yes, I DID get outvoted on movie choice)
Just overheard this bedtime story: There once were three little boys. Their Daddy gave them a bath and put their pajamas on them, read them a story and sang them a song, and told them it was time to go to sleep. But the boys didn't go to sleep; they kept playing and playing even though Daddy told them several times to go to sleep. Then a monster ate them. Good Night!
Artist: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Me: Poopy who?
Artist: Poopy STINKY!! *pause* That funny, mommy. That funny. You laugh now.
Me: Did you guys just put a spaceship on my Christmas tree?
John: It's a Star Wars X-Wing Fighter.
Me: Awesome. 'cause nothing says Christmas like a Star Wars X-wing glider made of multi-colored, metallic pipe cleaners.
Superhero: It's also a puppy.
John: Oh, yeah, it's also a puppy.
Superhero: Mom, I want epic monkey.
Me: What is that?
Superhero: It's a video game about a monkey with a gun.
Me: The video game is epic MICKEY, it's a mouse with a paint brush.
Superhero: Can I have my game instead? Yours sounds boring.
Me: Superhero, I thought I told you to let your brother nap?
Superhero: I did. He woke up all by himself
Me: It doesn't count as waking up by himself if you're hitting him over the head with a light saber.
Superhero: Oh, well how was I supposed to know that. Nobody told me!
Superhero: Yes mommy?
Me: It's time to get up for school
Superhero: mommy, why do I have to get up in the middle of the night? Can't school wait 'til morning?
Superhero: Hey, on Wednesday, I won't have school tomorrow!
This is technically true, as he doesn't have school on Thursday, but it took me a while to puzzle that one out. He's like a little mini sphinx. Only human (sort of).
The irony of living in my house it that you find yourself saying things like 'Stop reading that book and colour RIGHT NOW!"
Slept thought my alarm and woke up to Superhero saying 'Mommy, I think I heard my bus go by." Then realized I couldn't just dress him and put him in the car, because no one would be here with the twins. Then I realized the van was nearly out of gas ($3.09 a gallon!!))). I miss my husband :(